Wednesday, November 07, 2007

#100: Let's Start It Off With A Positive Jam

So I guess this is the 100th post on my blog which just makes me feel old. I mean, the whole thing started with the Republican National Convention in 2003. Jesus.

The point is: I complain a lot on this blog, which can be a downer and is certainly annoying. That’s why I’d like to take this time out tonight, while I’m spectacularly drunk--but STILL not smoking cigarettes thank you--to appreciate a group of people I do love dearly: my local video rental store guys.

Let’s start with the basics: My local video rental store is three blocks from my house. And it’s independent. And, even besides the fact that some of the employees seem to be making a zombie horror movie trilogy (who isn’t these days? Also: hot.), I love the staff of the local video rental place (LVRP) because, for one, they are just so doggone cute. It’s as if they were all cast to play the same role in the same movie--local video rental place guy (of course)--but they all got different casting sheets. One says, “Smart and nerdy antisocial Tarantino type,” and another: “adorably chubby film-geek reprise of Jack Black in High Fidelity,” yet another ‘Twee leading-man role in romantic comedy about cool girls who don’t get laid much.” Seriously, it is almost frightening how movie-hot all the LVRP guys are. I mean, they could make a calendar. The best part is they have no idea how cute they are and yet, for some reason, they all seem to follow proper hygiene and grooming techniques. Let me not beat around the bush when I say: this is a first in LVRP staffing across the country.

Also: they’re nice. It would be so so easy for them to play to type here. All my LVRP guys are already cute. Do they really need to be kind too? Probably they should be having hour-long conversations about the best “Blade Runner” re-cut (10 or 15 years? Analogue or digital?) at any given moment including the ones where perfectly nice people who couldn’t give less of a shit about Ridley Scott are trying to rent movies. But for some reason, they don’t. I swear--try to rent three seasons worth of Sex and the City episodes, and some adorable LVRPer is more likely to tell you which of the four friends is his favorite rather than dead-eye you into embarrassed consumer submission. Ask what the difference is between “Catch and Release” and “The Last Kiss” and the LVRPers will tell you in terms fair yet slightly breathless, as if they were finally able to divulge to you a Hollywood secret after years of unbearable silence.

They just know. Sometimes I walk in wanting nothing more than a shitty straight-to-DVD romantic comedy and I am always treated with the utmost respect from the cutie behind the counter. Sometimes, like tonight, I walk in drunk, practically cross-eyed, and I throw “Disturbia” on the check-out counter, and say something stupid and boozy like “I give up,” and the LVRP guy totally gets me and laughs and rings me up for less than the charge of a new rental, late fees forgiven, just because.

Dude, you guys are the fucking best.


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