Friday, September 28, 2007

Cancer: The New Morality

Scientists released findings from a breast cancer study that shows women who have more than three drinks per day will see their risk of breast cancer increase by 30%. To this I say: Hello, breast cancer, come on in and make yourself comfortable! Say hi to your roommate, cervical cancer. You guys take a look around and get a feel for the place. My main groundrule is: no metasticizing. This is not your place, it's mine, so kindly stay out of my colon, brain, throat, liver, lungs, uterus, pancreas and stomach. Especially the stomach.

Seriously, what the fuck doesn't cause cancer? I just find it interesting that sex and drinking are often linked to various types of "female" cancers. Personally, I think next surgeon general should be The Church Lady: "Sooooooo, out at a bar all night were you, Sweetie? Meet a boy, did ya, Cupcake? Weeeelll, isn't that spaaayshal. It's a good think you enjoy getting poked by strange men because you're going to get a whooole lot of that in the hospital when your ladyparts are being rotted off by The Cancer, you Babylonian whore!"

In conclusion: yes a person can get cancer after a lifetime of risky behavior. So can a strapping 21 year-old with a huge cock and his whole life ahead of him. So it goes.


Anonymous Jack's Mom said...

I'm actually surprised that the morality police would weight in on this sort of thing. I mean, it doesn't really serve the interest of males (who would be the morality police in this matter - Surgeon General and politicians) if they can't get us drunk and have sex with us, right? That would render their invention of the Pill useless... ;)

12:44 PM  

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