Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Stranger in a Strange Land

Sometimes New York feels like a foreign city. I mean, I can read the street signs, but once in awhile I feel like I don’t have a clue what’s going on. Take this week for example. This week, I’ve felt like the pawn on a Eurasian version of Candid Camera not once but three times.

It started last week, when I went to a spa near work to get my upper lip waxed (sorry men, bear with me). My waxer was a Russian woman with a heavy accent. She asked me to lie down on the table and as she leaned over me she screamed, “I’m going to rip your lip off!" She cackled as she spread hot wax on my face. Not knowing how I was supposed to react to this, I laughed nervously. Her face got serious as she did her job. When she was done, she handed me a mirror and I saw that she had drawn blood. “You see?” she asked. “Now we have paid for our laughter.”

Then yesterday, I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered a small, hazelnut-flavored iced coffee. The woman behind me, a nicely dressed Filipino lady in her forties, was wondering aloud what to order. When my drink came up, she asked me what it was and if it was good. I told her I didn’t know; I’d never had it before. Then she asked if she could have a sip to determine whether or not she wanted to order it. No, Perfect Stranger, you may not sip my virgin iced coffee. I didn’t know how to tell her she was a lunatic, so I took a sip myself, told her it was good and walked out the door.

And just now, I went out to get some frozen yogurt at this new Korean fro-yo and tea cafe on 32nd st. called Crazy Bananas. On my way out, I noticed a good portion of the wall counter near the window was taken up with a ten piece sculpture garden composed entirely of wooden dildos. Large, thrusty, bigger-than-a-babies-arm wooden dildos. Crazy Bananas indeed.

I love New York.


Blogger Rev. Blackthorne said...

Hah! I had that same woman wax my taint(sorry ladies bear with me) last week! As with you there was laughter followed by a little bleeding.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Screwsan said...

I thought you went in for an asshole-bleaching? My bad.

1:15 PM  
Blogger thatkidinthecorner said...


This all just makes me miss the random (and glamorous, and global, and gritty) nonsense that you get to enjoy as an NYC resident.

It's a lot less interesting when everyone's (a) white, (b) wearing the same fleece from REI and (c) passive-aggressive sneering at each other from behind the wheel of their Subaru Outback wagon.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crazy Bananas is the best, but today I wnet and it was closed by the NY Department of Health and Mental Hygeine... Did that place seem dirty to you or do you thing they are discriminating against the dildos?!

11:10 AM  
Blogger Screwsan said...

well, it is New York. That place could have been a homeless shelter by night for all I know.
That's just sad and crazy. And bananas.

10:12 PM  
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