Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Waiter, There's a Christian in My Hoohah!

If you like having sex without making babies, better enjoy it while you can because the end is nigh, my slutty friends. The Christian right is coming together to make contraception illegal (via Planned Parenthood so you don't have to pay at the Times site). No, I don’t mean abortions or emergency contraception (aka the morning-after pill). They’ve already successfully delayed approval on over-the-counter sales of emergency contraception. Who is "they," you ask? Why, the White House of course! System of checks and balances, pshaw. (And then there's abortion. I won't even bother with links on that front.)

I understand that some of you may be pro-life out there. That some of you don’t support the laws that protect abortion, or maybe don’t know where you stand on abortion. I think you’re wrong, but we can agree to disagree. But this? This is just batshit crazy. This is the Christian right extrapolating that taking birth control pills is like giving yourself a little abortion every month (every day?). Thus begins a crusade against the Pill.

Of course, without hormonal birth control, we are all basically one misaimed spurt away from becoming pregnant. So this week, in a perfectly scary, perfectly logical move, the FDA advises that all women of reproductive age should behave as though they are “pre-pregnant.” Because the health of a non-existent fetus is certainly more important than the quality of life of a very-much-existent woman. Because, hey, it’s easier than universal healthcare! Because you’re really only as important as the blessed malechild you may someday carry in your womb. Glory be to God!

In further I-wish-I-was-being-paranoid news: there’s a vaccine that actually prevents cancer. Yes, it’s true--a real miracle of modern science! Everyone will rush out and get vaccinated so they will never have to suffer the sort of cancer it guards against, right? Not so much when the cancer is cervical cancer, and the way you get it is through a sexually transmitted virus.

HPV will be carried by 80% of sexually active Americans by the time they are 50 years old. Most of the people infected with HPV will clear the virus from their systems, probably without even knowing they have it. For an unlucky number of women, however, the virus will stay and cause abnormal cell growth on the cervix which can lead to cervical cancer.

So where’s the vaccine? It's quest for approval has been slow. I'd like to think it has nothing to do with the religious right but with the current hold on emergency contraception, I wonder if the reason this has not yet been approved for use is because some conservative asshole fears it will encourage promiscuity in women. Oh wait, a bunch of conservative assholes already do.

I’m sick of this. I’m sick of, every day, picking up the paper and feeling like I’m reading a chapter out of The Handmaid’s Tale. Hey, George Bush & Cronies: If I wanted you in my twat I would’ve invited you! Really, I kid because I’m terrified. These fuckers aren’t even attempting to pretend like they think of women as anything more than jizz receptacles and baby factories.

And what I’m really wondering is what about you normal Christians, who actually believe in love and forgiveness and the social good (that, as my father is wont to say, "Jesus was the first feminist.”)? What do you think about all this? And can you do something, please? Doesn’t it making you furious that these nutjobs are totally perverting your faith to fulfill their own moral agendas, which include misogyny and the installation of a sexual police state? If I still identified as a Christian, it would probably be enough to make me turn my back on the church. And to think I heard George W. speak at Madison Square Garden two years ago, amid a sea of “W Stands for Woman!” signs, criticizing Islam for covering its women.

Anyway, look, it’s time to put away your (understandable) distaste of all things “liberal” and “feminist” and take a long look at your sex life. This isn’t a hippie-dippy fringe cause. This is about the way you--a normal Midwestern American with moderate political leanings, for example--has sex. This will affect you. And don’t be fooled; this isn’t about morals and family values. This is about a group of privileged people (the people Bill O’Reilly trusts--you know, the rich white ones) making laws that will directly affect how you live your most intimate of lives. Ask yourselves this, red states: is it really any of their damn business?

Keep up on this stuff by reading Salon’s sometimes reactive, sometimes informative women’s issues blog called Broadsheet. Also, hilarious sex columnist Dan Savage has been using up part of his weekly column to keep tabs on what he refers to the war on straight rights (via Boston's Weekly Dig).

What do we do, guys? 'Cause, let me tell you, even more than I love freedom, I love to bone. And here we have a clear threat to both.


Anonymous Peter "M" said...

Susan, I've already publicly promised to work for the "cause" if Roe is ever overturned. I feel that strongly about it. I've always thought Republicans were about freedom and Democrats were about equality, but we seem to live in some sick-bizzaro world where principled politics has died. It's not facism yet, but it seems the far right is trying.

9:00 AM  
Blogger PJD said...

I feel like I'm supposed to weigh in here... so I'll just say I think all these issues should be decided at the state level. There, happy? :)

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NSU - 4efer, 5210 - rulez

2:17 AM  

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